Introducing the Cottonelle Card!

“Don’t swipe… wipe!”

Today, April 1, FirstCayman Internet Bank has announced an incredibly exciting product that even outdoes its once popular Us Card.  Introducing the Cottonelle Card!

Unlike any other card on the market, each Cottonelle Card is really a roll of single-use credit cards.  Each card is as soft as you would expect from a Cottonelle product, but it is two-ply tough and loaded with contactless chip technology.  When it’s time to pay, simply tear off a single card from your roll and wipe the payment terminal.  Once you have confirmation that the payment has gone through, you can dispose of the card.  It’s even safe to flush!

Cottonelle asserts that their card is 3 times more absorbent, 3 times stronger, and 3 times thicker than their competition.   More importantly, they assert that, unlike competing credit cards, the Cottonelle Card won’t irritate your butt.

Pricing for the credit card rolls has not yet been announced.  Similarly, we don’t yet know much about the card’s rewards program other than that the card will earn “2-Ply Rewards” with each use.

Strangely, we’ve been told that the Cottonelle Card will be available only on the first day of the second quarter of each year (AKA April 1).

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